Parenting a hormonal adolescent

It’s late on a Saturday night. Dale and the boys are having a father/son night with some friends, and I’ve put the girls to bed, but they are still talking. Or should I say, the little one is 🙂 Our night went well, till I gave them a few minutes of “reading time”. Our oldest loves to read! Meanwhile, the younger girlie played, and did what she does, make a bit of a mess. Not a big mess, just things scattered here and there. And I could hear her older sister talking to her, scolding her. And it went on till I’d had enough. I decided it was bedtime.

And that’s when the arguing with my 13 yr. old began. She said she is NOT picking up her sister’s mess. I thought it must be bad, but there was maybe 8 toys scattered around the room 🙂 And I told her I did not like how she spoke to her sister, that she is little, and little children play and make messes. And I raised my voice, and she raised hers. I told her I would never have talked to my mom how she talked to me.

I came downstairs feeling so defeated! Like a mom that had no clue. What happened to my little girl? The one I rocked, and fed, and cuddled. She used to think I was the greatest. Now I get accused of favoritism, and unfairness.  And I wonder, should she have a room of her own? I know how little sister’s can annoy you, but it seems to be escalating here. Are we short changing her by making her share a room with her sister? Right now it’s our only option, unless we remodel, and I don’t see that happening yet. I remember sleeping in a full size bed with not just 1 sister, but 2. And I really don’t remember much fighting. Perhaps my mom would tell you differently 🙂 It seems like as the oldest, she wants to control all her siblings, and they have other ideas 🙂 I get so frustrated at this. Is this maybe a thing with being the oldest? To be in control.

This battling of wills, is just not something I feel qualified to deal with. How much do you chalk up to hormones, and how much is blatant disrespect? I truly think we are alike in some ways, and that is why we can really clash 🙂 I love when she talks to me, and we discuss things, and she listens! I just wish there weren’t so many flareups. I wonder sometimes if I am too harsh? Or too picky about things? I never remember my mom raising her voice to me. And I don’t want my children to say that’s what I did. I get my quick temper from the Brubaker side, I think 🙂

Any words of advice from some of you who are more experienced? 🙂

On a good note, she came downstairs and apologized, and I apologized too. As we shared a hug, I told her I love her no matter what. Because that’s what we do isn’t it? No matter what they throw at us, how they may hurt us, we love them unconditionally. I thought of how often God must feel like that with me. And how He forgives and loves me no matter what. Grace upon grace.

I may be new at this stage of my children’s life, but I do know if a child is loved, and they know it, they are not going to remember all your flaws so much.

I hope you are blessed with a good week, and that you don’t get to discouraged in your parenting. A verse that was shared at church that I love…  Psalm 127:3 ” Lo, children are an heritage from the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Our children, our rewards. May we not take them for granted!

8 thoughts on “Parenting a hormonal adolescent

  1. Kendra says:

    I have no advice…just understanding😉. I don’t think you’re short changing her by making her share a room…although I do hear the same thing from my oldest,There’s 3 in their room! They’ll look back and have mostly fond memories of bedtime talks and carrying on!

  2. Diane H says:

    I think a lot is learned from sharing the bedroom. Our oldest girl and youngest share a room. The oldest is 28 youngest is 12. They have shared a room since the youngest was moved out of the crib. They have good times. They laugh, talk, read and pray together! These girls are making memories! The oldest says we are family why not share space.

  3. That is wonderful, Diane! I guess I mostly feel bad, because they share a bed ( the younger seems to need to sleep beside someone ), and she pests her tired sister☺ Probably looking back, they won’t remember the fighting. I’m hoping anyway 🙂

  4. I love reading your blog! You are so real and honest. Just love that about you. I have no advise but it sounds like your off to good places apologizing. I hope I can be admitting I’m wrong when I get big. Still need to work on that. My dr told us when we had a girl that girls love there mamas when they are young. Then they hit adolescents and they turn to daddy shutting out and fighting mom. Suddenly it all shifts back then as they get older and they come right back to mom. So I guess– there is hope 😊💞

  5. I think it’s a GOOD thing to have them share a room. However, i only have one daughter so i can’t say much. 🙂 She has shared her room for years tho with little brothers and her brothers (there are 8) now have 4 in one room and 3 in the other. Sharing teaches character lessons and character lessons are never fun or easy. Ask me how i know. Haha.

    I don’t think i ever shut my mom out and turned to dad as a teen but i certainly wasn’t an easy teenager. My daughter is 14 and we are very close but we also have to apologize to each other. It’s life. I mess up (i’ve also been blessed with a short fuse) and when i do, i apologize without pointing fingers at her because ultimately i’m the mother and the one most responsible. I think your honesty and willingness to make it right is half the battle won.

  6. I feel like I already have an ongoing battle of the wills with my three almost 4-year-old. I definitely don’t feel equipped on many days but as always I try to remember to focus on the Lord and trust that he’ll give me wisdom where I feel like I fall short. We also have the girls in the same room and plan to keep it that way for a long while. I think that it’s great and will hopefully foster a positive bond between them.

  7. Thanks for weighing in, Patricia! I always love hearing from other moms! 🙂 And you are so right about asking God for wisdom. I need to do that more often!

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