Letter to the cows

I said it before, that when I milk, I do a lot of thinking, praying,writing blog posts in my head.This post happened to come to me one morning while milking, when I may not have been in a I’m so excited to get out of my warm, cozy bed at an early hour to come take care of you mood πŸ™‚ I will say, as far as barn chores, I have it easier now than I did at one time. But that doesn’t change the fact that, as with any job, irritation can occur πŸ™‚

Dear ladies of the barn,

I have a few tips for you, to make the life of the farmer, and his wife of course, a wee bit easier. First, I do want to thank you for all the milk you provide us with. That paycheck comes in quite handy! But seriously, the amount of food you consume is really too much. Our feed bill wouldn’t be nearly so expensive if you’d just cut back a bit. After all, some of you are looking quite ( and I’ll say this nicely) thick. Secondly, when you need to dispose of all that feed you’ve eaten, there is this thing called a gutter. It is wide. Wide enough that you should be able to aim it at the right spot without too much clean up. Just sayin’. Thirdly, since I got up at this EARLY hour to relieve you of your milk, the least you could do is rise and shine. I mean, how tired can you be from eating all day and laying down most of the night. Show some respect,girls. I’m still on a roll here. Fourth on my list. Your tail was given to you to swat flies. Period. Do not, I repeat do NOT, use it to swat anyone in their face! Especially after you soaked it in your pee. That just ruins someones good mood in a hurry. Fifth, could you please stand still when we are trying to wipe you clean. You know the drill. We do this 2x a day. So you know what happens. Dip,wipe,repeat if necessary. Kicking at someone is just not nice. Plus it really hurts sometimes. You may even make them cry. For real. Sixth. My bandanna I wear is to help keep your stinkiness off my hair. It is not there for you to lick, slobber on, or just plain yank off my head. That really gets me, if you know what I mean. Seventh thing, when we need you to move to a new stall, just back out nicely, and go where you are pointed. If there is an empty spot, that’s for you. Not in a stall that already has one of your friends in it. Eighth. The milkers are to relieve you of all that milk. Do not eat them. They are expensive. The 9th thing. If the milker falls off of you, whether by accident, or from the movement of your leg, please don’t stomp on it. They are expensive. Guess I told you that earlier. For # 10. It would be very nice if you just gave more milk. And maybe gave us the weekend off. Hope you’ll think about all this, and take it to heart.

Respectfully yours,

The farmers wife

12 thoughts on “Letter to the cows

  1. Ohhh, this brings back too many memories. We didn’t milk but my uncle did and since he and my dad were farming partners, we got in on a few too many milkings! Uh, those early morning moos, the smells, the whoosing milkers, the kicks and all of it came back just reading this. πŸ™‚ It wasn’t my favorite by any means but looking back, it didn’t hurt me. πŸ™‚ Kudos to you as you work with your ladies. πŸ™‚

    • Well I grew up doing this, and then said I wouldn’t marry a farmer, but for some reason I changed my mind πŸ™‚ It’s really not too bad πŸ˜‰

  2. Melinda says:

    Haha:) I love it. I’ve been brought to tears by a well aimed kick😭 my hubby enjoys his few weekends of relief milking here n there, but I haven’t helped since I got kicked. I’m a big chicken;)

  3. I’ve never milked a cow in my life, and I don’t plan on changing that, but I still found this funny. There are even some parenting parallels to be found here. “I’ve combed your hair a thousand times, and you still think you can jump around like you’re on a pogo stick?”

    But seriously. Do cows eat milkers? What exactly are they made of? That needs to be noted on milk jugs: No rBST or milkers, guaranteed.

    • Ok, they don’t actually eat the milkers, but they do chew on them πŸ™‚ They would be a bit hard to swallow, so it’s safe to say, your milk should be free of milkers πŸ˜‰

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